Calling all angels

Calling all angels, calling all angels
Walk me through this one, don’t leave me alone
Calling all angels, calling all angels
We’re tryin’, we’re hopin’ but we’re not sure how

“Calling All Angels” by Jane Siberry

Oh. So it’s gonna be THAT kind of summer, is it?

The kind of roiling heat and turmoil, not just on the thermostat but in my heart and life and the lives of those around me.

The kind that leaves you wondering what the fuck just happened, what you did wrong, and that creeping feeling that shit is just about to explode under your skin and all around you. The kind where you don’t know whether to scream or cry and you can’t possibly get it down or out in words because you start ugly crying when someone asks you what’s wrong and you kept your shit together so well up until that point.

The kind that makes its presence known weeks ahead of its technical arrival, because jesus fucking christ, summer doesn’t even officially begin until Monday.

THAT kind of summer.

I’m seeing it in my own life and rapidly losing the ability to make sense of the hurt and confusion. But I know I’m not alone. I see it in the friend who is self-described as burning the candle at a million ends and wearing themselves out and just broke up with their partner on top of it. It’s there in the friend who is navigating a new D/s relationship with someone who has a highly demanding seasonal job. And guess which season…that’s right, summer. Ever apparent in someone I love being thrown around by fate and also having a bunch of really fucking hard choices to make. It’s in a widespread community mourning and learning how to come together in the face of devastation and tragedy.

There’s more. Massive shifting winds have begun to blow through many people’s lives and I don’t know how it will all settle in the end. And the ways things intertwine make it all the more difficult.

I hate summer. Give me weather that doesn’t go above 80 and I’m happy. Give me mountains, and rivers, and water parks, and cool breezes at night and that would be awesome.

But most of all, please, give me the strength to get through this and be the best person I can be. Help me to remember the awesome people I have in my life and that even on the night I couldn’t hold back the violent tears, someone literally showed up at my doorstep out of thin air to demonstrate the grace I strive for, complete with a cool, wet towel and open arms.

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