[New Year, New You] Week 16: Little Magics Everywhere

Aaaaand, I’m back to a mostly weekly schedule for this challenge, which is awesome.

This week, we’re working on “little magics everywhere“.

For my life, one of the little magics I’m doing is taking back my power from people I’ve given it to in the past who demonstrate that they are no longer worthy of it. One of the ways that a friend helped me do this is by reminding me that names have power and by changing what I call a thing or a person, I can change the power involved. So I’ve been doing that with some very odd but good results.

I’ve also been manifesting like a mofo and reaching out to other magically-inclined friends to help with that, which has been incredibly successful. Some goals for the upcoming week are to figure out some offerings to my guiding spirits, trying the prosperity shot glass trick, grounding and centering every night, figuring out a regular gratitude practice, and planning for the upcoming full moon and lunar eclipse.

This post might be shorter than most, but it feels like one of the more potent ones. I finally feel like I’m actually making progress. I might be tired, and lacking in some energy or direction, but I also finally, finally feel like I’m moving forward and not just mired in the past. Like some of healing I’ve been putting massive amounts of energy into is actually starting to happen. In not just mental and spiritual ways, but in actual physical ways.

I lost 11 pounds doing the No Sugar Vow. Chronic skin irritations are healing. I’ve mostly broken my dependence on food as a comfort or replacement for love and affection. When talking with a friend this weekend, I had said that life over the course of the last few weeks has at least helped me figure out a better direction for myself and where I would ultimately like to live, at least short term if an opportunity I was recently presented with doesn’t pan out. Just the fact that I was presented with that opportunity shows me that I’m opening up more to the world and possibilities and moving more towards who I really am, want to be, and what I want to work towards.

So that’s some pretty awesome little magics everywhere, I think!

 

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[New Year, New You] Week 15: Should to the Wheel, Champ!

You know, I was very excited to get to the last page of prompts for this writing challenge. It was only three pages of prompts, but getting to the last one felt like a major accomplishment. It meant I was almost done.

Can you hear my hysterical laughter from where you’re sitting?

Yeah. So. About that.

I mean, in some ways, I am almost done. I’m more done than not. When I was an event planner in a former life, I used to get very excited at the time on Saturday that fell “below the fold” of the printed schedule. I would say we were “below the fold” very happily because it was a visually measurable way to know that we were more than halfway done. We were doing it. All the prep, all the times it felt like shit just kept going wrong, all the fixes and thinking on our feet, all the behind-the-scenes scrambling that we tried to hide so that people had a wonderful time. It was all coming together and we could totally push through to the end. I miss those times dearly and I’m grateful for all they taught me.

For instance, I’m more than halfway through this challenge. After this prompt, there are only eight more prompts. I’ve done TWICE that already. Which makes me feel like I can totally do this. Granted, I didn’t do it in the same time frame as Deb originally did, but like my best friend told me, it’s okay to do it in my own time if that’s what works for me. And it is work. Recreating myself, being bathed in the fire of 2017, the ending of major relationships, a job, improving my health, taking control of my creativity, re-dedicating myself to my spirituality, healing some massive wounds I’d been carrying for decades, fostering healthier relationships, helping others, and taking care of and cleaning up my shit…it’s a lot. And for me, the best time frame for that wasn’t just six months. So be it.

I’m still here, tapping away at the keyboard. Thinking about each “week’s” prompt and lesson as it comes. But like Deb nailed it in her post for this prompt:

You’re tired. You’re bruised. You’re wondering what you’re accomplishing and why you’re putting up with me. You’re wondering if you are getting anywhere. You are. I’ve been reading each and every one of your journeys from the start. You have done so much more than you ever thought you could. You are kicking ass and taking names. I am so proud of you! All of you. Each one of you is pushing yourself past your comfort zones. It’s evident that you are working hard to get to where you want to be.

You’re a maker of things. A creator of dreams. A weaver of wills.

Don’t stop now.

I am tired. Bruised. I have many moments of wondering if I’m accomplishing anything. However, I definitely don’t question why I’m putting up with her. She’s a dear friend and has helped me more on this journey than I can possibly put into words right now. The gratitude I feel for that and this challenge is currently immeasurably. And she’s right. I sure as hell AM a maker of things. A creator of dreams. A weaver of wills. And I will not stop now. I’ve got more work to do.

To that end, here’s what I am doing:

Health:

  1. I have hauled my ass to two doctors that I’ve been putting off.
  2. I stuck with my vow and only have one more day of that and then need to re-evaluate, because I don’t want to just give it up when it’s done, but I definitely want to make adaptations.
  3. Therapy
  4. Continually fostering Amazon network connections. The love I give and get there is LIFE.

Job:

  1. I have been working on getting my resume in a better place and enlisted help with that.

Cleaning:

  1. I’ve asked for help with the cleaning hump I have to get over. And I’ve been doing little things here and there.

Creativity:

  1. I am still doing this challenge.
  2. Keeping up with the reading and writing challenge I signed up for a the beginning of the year (Cannonball Read 10)
  3. Posting 1 music video of myself per month to social media
  4. Created an art challenge – still have to complete the first two steps
  5. Took up Camp NaNoWriMo and I’m making some progress on it.

Spirituality:

  1. Been practicing every full moon.
  2. Talking more about it with people
  3. Daily tarot pull and doing more tarot readings
  4. Trying to remember and honor my divinity
  5. Listening to signs and omens from the Universe

Relationships:

  1. Not getting into any capital R Relationships until re-evaluation of my treatment plan in therapy in September.
  2. Staying aware of good relationships, bad relationships, what I can learn from both and what I really want for the future.

So I’m doing fairly well in terms of creativity and spirituality, but I want to do more in both. And I need to up my game in cleaning, health, and job. Though I will say, I’ve got some interesting prospects on the horizon in terms of job. We will see how that goes.

Now, as to what I’m going to do to keep moving forward, especially in terms of cleaning and health:

  1. Cleaning – By this time next week, I will clean one room (likely the upstairs bathroom)
  2. Health – re-evaluation of sugar in diet. Meal planning. Dancing more. Walking. Figure out a way to get my teeth taken care of.
  3. Job – Pursue current possibilities while also finishing up improvements to resume and start submitting, depending on what happens with current opportunities.

That’s where I’m at right now. Still pushing ever forward. Not giving up. Because fuck that. I’ve got shit to do.

[New Year, New You] Week 14: Spiritual Consultation

But you gotta dig your way out
From underneath the ground
Scratching at the dark
Pushing through the gloom
Oh, sticking around
Long enough to see yourself bloom

“Bloom” by Namoli Brennet

At long last! The last page of prompts! I’m a few weeks behind on this one, but as my best friend pointed out to me, I’m doing this in my own time. Each “week” is a relative measurement. I think it is well-paced, but life also has a way of interfering sometimes.

That being said, I also have to be careful to avoid falling into procrastination and calling it “life interfering.” This time around it was a little bit of both.

Y’see, this week’s prompt was all about checking in with my higher Powers That Be about my progress thus far with my goals and this whole making a new year and a new me.  As Deb wrote:

If you are starting to feel run down and dispirited, confiding in your PTB about your worries and troubles may lighten your load. Your PTB may also have advice as to how to better manage your goals. You may want their input to decide if you’re progressing as well as you could be.

How did she know I’d be feeling a bit run down and dispirited?!

Oh, right. She’s done this already. Okay, moving along. So, I actually wasn’t sure how to check in with my PTB. Or, at the very least, what would be the best way to check in right now.

See, I’m kind of eclectic and don’t have a specific structure of Gods and Goddesses that I worship. I tend to call my PTB “The Universe” but sometimes can feel specific spirits or Gods or Goddesses coming through. And I also got out of the practice of communing directly with the Universe, but I’m getting back to that. That’s part of why I started this whole challenge to begin with. To identify what’s important to me and to work towards those things. One of those things being reconnecting with my spirituality.

So. Checking in with them…I felt a little unsure about what to do and not confident in my ability to get good answers on my own. And lately, I’ve been getting more and more into tarot reading, so my first thought was to ask a friend who has offered to do a reading on me and help me with tarot to do a reading of checking in with my PTB. Life conspired against that plan, which we see sometimes.

In the meantime, I’ve been getting some messages loud and clear. Seems my PTB weren’t waiting for me to check in. They were gonna beat my door down. Here are some of the messages:

  • Eat more vegetables.
  • Move/exercise more.
  • You’ve got work to do. Take care of your shit.
  • Don’t throw your energy to people who are not reciprocating in some way.
  • Keep avoiding sugar. You’re on the right path.
  • You have power and are manifesting the things you want. Be careful, though and be REAL FUCKING specific.
  • Write more.
  • Seek out more authentic communications.
  • Be careful who you give your power to.
  • Remember laughter. Being competent. Appreciated. You are a magical human.
  • Dance more.
  • You may not have the love you expected or thought you were going to have but you are incredibly loved and cherished. It just doesn’t look like how you thought it was gonna look.
  • Make more music.
  • Keep being grateful for all the gifts. Even the things that don’t look like gifts. Like the bad pain. It’s still a gift that’s helping you. You’re learning.
  • Be gentle with yourself when you can.
  • Clean. Purge. Streamline. Don’t get so caught up in possessions.
  • Remember being topless in the courtyard, the grass under your bare toes.
  • More vegetables than that.
  • And more movement.

So that…all touches on what I’m doing and it seems I’m doing pretty well, but I clearly still have more work to do.

I also got a message loud and clear yesterday while driving that I really needed to hear. Sometimes, my PTB talk to me in a Dom(me) voice (as if you couldn’t tell from the list above), and this came though:

Little girl, this has nothing to do with you. Live your own life. You needed [this thing that you’ve put a lot of energy into] to get to a certain place. That time is over. Move on.

I had a bones reading this past weekend, and that carried with it a whole bunch of messages I needed to hear. Don’t get too wrapped up in potential. It doesn’t necessarily matter why something is happening; if it’s not working for you or actively hurting you, it needs to stop and you need to make better choices.

Basically, my PTB are telling that I’m on the right track, but I gotta step it up. Seems about right.