You know, I was very excited to get to the last page of prompts for this writing challenge. It was only three pages of prompts, but getting to the last one felt like a major accomplishment. It meant I was almost done.
Can you hear my hysterical laughter from where you’re sitting?
Yeah. So. About that.
I mean, in some ways, I am almost done. I’m more done than not. When I was an event planner in a former life, I used to get very excited at the time on Saturday that fell “below the fold” of the printed schedule. I would say we were “below the fold” very happily because it was a visually measurable way to know that we were more than halfway done. We were doing it. All the prep, all the times it felt like shit just kept going wrong, all the fixes and thinking on our feet, all the behind-the-scenes scrambling that we tried to hide so that people had a wonderful time. It was all coming together and we could totally push through to the end. I miss those times dearly and I’m grateful for all they taught me.
For instance, I’m more than halfway through this challenge. After this prompt, there are only eight more prompts. I’ve done TWICE that already. Which makes me feel like I can totally do this. Granted, I didn’t do it in the same time frame as Deb originally did, but like my best friend told me, it’s okay to do it in my own time if that’s what works for me. And it is work. Recreating myself, being bathed in the fire of 2017, the ending of major relationships, a job, improving my health, taking control of my creativity, re-dedicating myself to my spirituality, healing some massive wounds I’d been carrying for decades, fostering healthier relationships, helping others, and taking care of and cleaning up my shit…it’s a lot. And for me, the best time frame for that wasn’t just six months. So be it.
I’m still here, tapping away at the keyboard. Thinking about each “week’s” prompt and lesson as it comes. But like Deb nailed it in her post for this prompt:
You’re tired. You’re bruised. You’re wondering what you’re accomplishing and why you’re putting up with me. You’re wondering if you are getting anywhere. You are. I’ve been reading each and every one of your journeys from the start. You have done so much more than you ever thought you could. You are kicking ass and taking names. I am so proud of you! All of you. Each one of you is pushing yourself past your comfort zones. It’s evident that you are working hard to get to where you want to be.
You’re a maker of things. A creator of dreams. A weaver of wills.
Don’t stop now.
I am tired. Bruised. I have many moments of wondering if I’m accomplishing anything. However, I definitely don’t question why I’m putting up with her. She’s a dear friend and has helped me more on this journey than I can possibly put into words right now. The gratitude I feel for that and this challenge is currently immeasurably. And she’s right. I sure as hell AM a maker of things. A creator of dreams. A weaver of wills. And I will not stop now. I’ve got more work to do.
To that end, here’s what I am doing:
- I have hauled my ass to two doctors that I’ve been putting off.
- I stuck with my vow and only have one more day of that and then need to re-evaluate, because I don’t want to just give it up when it’s done, but I definitely want to make adaptations.
- Continually fostering Amazon network connections. The love I give and get there is LIFE.
- I have been working on getting my resume in a better place and enlisted help with that.
- I’ve asked for help with the cleaning hump I have to get over. And I’ve been doing little things here and there.
- I am still doing this challenge.
- Keeping up with the reading and writing challenge I signed up for a the beginning of the year (Cannonball Read 10)
- Posting 1 music video of myself per month to social media
- Created an art challenge – still have to complete the first two steps
- Took up Camp NaNoWriMo and I’m making some progress on it.
- Been practicing every full moon.
- Talking more about it with people
- Daily tarot pull and doing more tarot readings
- Trying to remember and honor my divinity
- Listening to signs and omens from the Universe
- Not getting into any capital R Relationships until re-evaluation of my treatment plan in therapy in September.
- Staying aware of good relationships, bad relationships, what I can learn from both and what I really want for the future.
So I’m doing fairly well in terms of creativity and spirituality, but I want to do more in both. And I need to up my game in cleaning, health, and job. Though I will say, I’ve got some interesting prospects on the horizon in terms of job. We will see how that goes.
Now, as to what I’m going to do to keep moving forward, especially in terms of cleaning and health:
- Cleaning – By this time next week, I will clean one room (likely the upstairs bathroom)
- Health – re-evaluation of sugar in diet. Meal planning. Dancing more. Walking. Figure out a way to get my teeth taken care of.
- Job – Pursue current possibilities while also finishing up improvements to resume and start submitting, depending on what happens with current opportunities.
That’s where I’m at right now. Still pushing ever forward. Not giving up. Because fuck that. I’ve got shit to do.