Punishment/Corrections: Why I Feel They’re Useful

The other day, I had a brief chat with a lovely friend also in the scene (henceforth in this post they shall be known as LFAITS) and this happened:

LFAITS: Does it make me a brat if I did something wrong, feel awful about it, but am “looking forward” to the punishment? Like not the pain, just that I am being held accountable? Is that weird?

ME: Slightly. But I think that sometimes it’s understandable to look forward to punishment, as long as you’re not regularly acting out to get punished. Not weird at all. Being held accountable is incredibly…useful. It helps you understand and feel safe and secure in your place in the relationship. It helps build trust, that there will be follow through and your partner(s) words and orders and actions mean something. It enforces care because they are taking time to make it happen and hold you accountable. It’s incredibly fucking important, actually, I think.

LFAITS: Our D/s is super casual…so I look forward to the serious times.

ME: Oh wow. I think I might write on this. Do you mind me anonymously quoting you?

ME: Oh, I hear that, too.

LFAITS: I don’t mind at all

Got me thinking about punishment and corrections and how I also technically “enjoy” them. I don’t derive pleasure from them, but it makes me feel loved and cared for when there are consequences to reinforce that I made a bad decision, acted poorly, or simply willfully disobeyed. (The latter doesn’t happen often at all, but it has been known to happen once or twice.)

Basically, though, the punishment should somehow suite the person, infraction, and reason. Like, I can take lots of impact on my back, but I’m a total ass wuss. I don’t like spankings as part of D/s general play, unless there’s sexual stimulation or penetration involved. However, I know there are some people who love spankings just…as a spanking. Nope. Not me, thank you. But that makes it a very effective tool as a punishment for me, should there be a fitting reason to spank me. Other punishments or corrections I’ve been given are writing assignments, kneeling for a period of time, and sometimes kneeling while holding something, having things I enjoy taken away. I’m curious about emotional punishments, but with everything going on in my life right now, it’s likely better to wait to delve into anything like that. I think I was the best hydrated that I’ve ever been for months after I was made to kneel holding a glass of water because I had not properly hydrated during an event last year.

As far as being bratty, I personally don’t find it bratty to look forward to the serious times, especially when there’s a mostly casual dynamic. In the past, I’ve been collared in a 24/7 relationship and have also been in/am in more casual dynamics that were uncollared. And there have been/are some dynamics that were/are undefinable. But what it boils down to, for me, at least, is knowing that the person on the other end of the lead (tangible lead or not) is there. That we’re both actively involved. It makes me feel safer in the relationship and builds trust.

I remember one of the most important lessons I’ve ever learned in regards to this came when I was nannying a few years ago. There was, obviously, no D/s involved between me and the kids. But I observed that the two girls I was nannying would act out around their parents all the time. The parents would then lament that they couldn’t control their kids and regularly ask why I was able to get them to listen to me. What was my secret? They wanted to know. How did I do it?

Simple. I held the kid’s accountable. If I said that we wouldn’t go to the library for story time if they didn’t clean up their toys first, then we didn’t go to the library for story time if they didn’t clean up their toys. If I said that they were going to wind up in time out if they threw a tantrum about getting All The Things at the store when we were going for just milk, bread, and whateverthehellelseIsaidIneededtoget, then they got a time out. Their parents, however, gave in. Or brought them to the library anyway. There was no follow through. And when they did get punished, it happened really abruptly, in angry ways that just made the whole situation feel out of control. The kids didn’t learn anything but to try maybe not push quite so far, but that they could totally get away with way more with their parents than with me. I also said “no” and meant it. I didn’t say it angrily, nor in an upset way. It was matter of fact. Sometimes, I was apologetic, but it was still firm. They learned they couldn’t and shouldn’t push it…with me at least.

I feel like this lesson translates well into life and a D/s dynamic, specifically. Be clear about what you want and your expectations. If something happens that goes against them in a D/s way, then I think punishment/correction is warranted and I, too, have been known to “look forward” to being held accountable in that regard. It gets a little more complicated as adults, though, especially when I don’t think it’s realistic to think that there can be a clear, known punishment for every possible infraction. Sometimes Dom(me)s/Tops have to get creative. But just knowing that there will be a punishment/correction is incredibly important, as far as I’m concerned. I’m curious what others think and have experienced.

Kink Bucket List for 2017: Now w/ More Sex!

So last month, I wrote a Kink Bucket List for 2017. However, it’s becoming increasingly obvious to me that I really should’ve written a Kink & Sex Bucket List for 2017. Normally, the two are fairly separate for me, and rarely does kink mix with sex. Well. That is, not until the past year or two. I’m currently finding more experiences and people where the line is blurring in interesting ways and I want to explore that.

So! Here’s the updated list:

Scene: First flight* (So. MUCH. EXCITE.)

Get D/s notebook and start writing in it (already started doing that!)

Scene: Being hit with a belt* (So. Much. Fear.)

Read at least 4 5 books on kink sex this year. Current reading list goal:

  • Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas (already started. Fantastically inclusive book)
  • Radical Sex by Pat Califia
  • Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski (I will finish it this time!)
  • Sex From Scratch by Sarah Mirk
  • Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas

Scene: Artistic edgeplay

Learn/look into fire rose flogging

Make out more. Because I have discovered I really, really like making out.

Dear god, moar rope pls

Explore Tantric sex – already started reading Urban Tantra, and talking more about it with a few people.

Radical personal body acceptance including:

  • more photo shoots
  • more acceptance of the three parts of my body I have the most trouble loving
  • actively hone body self confidence and increase time spent with people who bolster that in me and themselves and others

Discover something new I want to try that’s not on my radar yet

Work on asking for what I want and am interested in sexually

Try out new dynamics that I’ve been curious about

Continue to adventure through anarchical poly

Explore dance kink

Scene: Interrogation

Scene: Whip play

***

If you have an interest in trying any of these things with me, private message me and let’s talk!

Points of note, though:

1. Anything with an asterisk (*) is already ear-marked for specific people, so please don’t message about that. Let me get past the first time first and see how that goes.

2. Although I no longer identify as a demisexual, I still take a while to explore sexual connections.

3. Also, I want to seek out more opportunities to play with skills I already have. So if you’re interested in rose flogging, edge play, and sensation play, message me and let’s talk!

For Valentine’s Day, I’mma love myself.

Recently, I’ve been terrified I was failing everything in life. I’ve felt behind, buried beneath, and bassackwards.

Turns out, I have been failing spectacularly.

I’ve been failing myself.

I have been my own worst enemy, afraid of my body. I had a resurgence of sexiness last year, but it dwindled by the end of the year and vanished completely in the last two months or so. I’ve become afraid it would drive those I love away, as it felt like it had in the past. It doesn’t help that two partners in my life have told me that they were no longer sexually attracted to my body because of it’s size. The first time it happened was devastating. The combination of derision in that partners’ eyes, along with the words that shot from their mouth was something I’ve spent years battling. The second time it happened made my heart sink but I also was able to hold my head up and have a discussion about it. There were tears. A lot of tears. I went for a drive. Had a conversation with a dear friend who reminded me to love myself, first and foremost.

Then I also remembered a scene recently where I was petrified to take off my clothing. I was not ordered to. In fact, Sir told me to get down to the lowest form of undress that I felt comfortable with. But with another wonderful person’s help, I got to the point where I thought, “was I really going to protect myself by keeping my pants and bra on? And if my body was going to drive him away, wouldn’t I want to know that now? And why would I want to be with someone like that anyway?” Something stronger than my fear told me I could trust the situation, Sir, and the scene.

So, I stripped to my panties and got to my knees where I belonged.

The scene was amazing and brought me places I haven’t been in years. During aftercare, though, my brain kicked in again and I got scared. Sir made me talk through the shit my brain was telling me and the conversation we had went something like this:

Me: I’m not good enough.
Sir: Wrong.
Me: I’m not pretty enough.
Sir: Wrong.
Me: I’m not submissive enough.
Sir: Very wrong.
Me: I’m too fucked up for you.
Sir: *laughter* Nope.
Me: I’m too old.
Sir: Nope.

By the end of that conversation, I felt more centered and safe again. Later, though, it kept banging around in my head. Apparently, it didn’t fully resonate until I was able to internalize and believe the answers myself. It’s a daily fight to believe it. But I’m prepared to fight. I posted a pic about three weeks ago from a scene back in November at GKE: Classic. It’s taken me over two months to post it because of body image issues.

Also, I started writing this post three weeks ago when I posted that pic and it’s taken three revisions to finally not be afraid posting it.

For some reason, it’s easy for me to see that my friends and partners and metamours are gorgeous and glorious, regardless (or maybe because) of their color, size, gender presentation, hairness, religion or lack thereof, mental health issues, neural diversity, etc. I think variety is good, healthy, necessary. One of my favorite quotes is still from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves:

“Allah loves wondrous variety.”

If this is the case, why is it so fucking hard to apply this to myself? Especially since I’m poly and have multiple partners? One would think that that would be enough to correct my brain, like, “hey, you’ve got multiple partners of different types. Why you no think you pretty?”

Because it goes beyond beauty. Because it’s also sexiness. And sex. I mean, society in general still has a fucking hard time being okay with the fact that not just young, thin, straight, white cis people fuck. Old people do. Fat people do. People of all ethnicities and genders and all kinds of people do (except some ace spectrum people…I see you, too…technically am still one of you to a certain extent.).

And I’ve had a really, really hard time admitting that/when I want attention. That elusive feeling of being desired. When it starts coming up, I hide. Retreat. Say I don’t need anything. The few times makeout sessions happened recently in the last few months have been stupid fucking difficult for me because I don’t think that the other person really wanted it to happen, even with what seemed like enthusiastic consent. It kind of impedes things, especially that being desired thing, if I don’t believe or trust that the person on the other end actually desires me when they are actively showing me that they do.

See, as a submissive, I’ve always loved to please those I care for, both in nonsexual and sexual service (for those with whom I have that type of relationship). It means I tend to initiate things in established relationships. Or used to. And back when I identified as a lesbian a million years ago, I thought I was a stone butch. I’m currently pansexual, and realizing that it wasn’t so much that I solely preferred to please my partner and not have it reciprocated so much as, at some point, I got scared to accept attention, especially in the sexual sphere. I have a hard time believing and trusting anyone could be attracted to me. I tend to need to be hit with a clue by four before I’ll even consider that someone could be sexually interested in me.

That one partners’ eyes come back to me and I’m thrown back, suddenly thinking, feeling this new person is going to wind up looking at me the same way, if they weren’t already. That my body is too big, my breasts are too weirdly small, and my double chin was eventually, if not right now, going to make them sneer at me. And even when I get past all this self-berating talk and difficulty from the past, I may or may not spend awhile asking if it’s real. And even then I may or may not spend a little longer thinking, “sure, okay. You like me now. But when is the other shoe gonna drop? When is the love in your eyes going to turn to disgust?” Might as well beat them to the punch, right? Tear myself down before anyone else can?

What? That’s served me ever so well.

*sigh*

Yeah, I don’t believe me either.

What I’m realizing is that I’ve spent so much time drawing my sense of value, worth, and sexiness based on what other people thought of me. In the relationship with the partner who chose an incredibly hurtful way to tell me they weren’t attracted to me anymore and why, sex had been falling off gradually and I felt like I had to beg (not in the good way) for any attention or interaction. That takes a toll. I think I kind of gave up. Decided I wasn’t worth it.

It took reading a post on Fet to make me understand how desperately I’d wanted someone(s) to be demonstratively, publicly proud of me so I could use it to try to constantly fight the feeling that anyone with me must be secretly ashamed of me and eventually going to leave me for someone younger and thinner and better.  That I’ve craved public displays of affection and dominance because my own self esteem says if it’s not happening, they don’t want it to happen because there’s something wrong with me. That I have a hard time talking about sex because I’m certain if it’s not happening or hasn’t happened in a long time, my body must be what’s wrong. And if it hasn’t happened yet, it’s clearly because they don’t want me. Not any number of other reasons, including, as I’ve recently been hit over the head with, hey…other people have fears and insecurities, too, and they may not want to push me or be sure that I’m attracted to them. These are not easy things to admit. But it’s not fair to try to use someone else to be a buffer or balm to things I have to deal with in myself.

So! I’ve recently tossed all those negative fucks out the window. I’mma love myself first.  I’m not going to draw my self worth from what someone else thinks of me. Or, I’m gonna endeavor not to. It is still a journey. My plan is to seek out people who want to explore and have fun with me and we’ll figure out what that means and what we do as we go along by talking directly to each other. It’ll be different with each person because we’re all unique people. I’m going to stop being my own worst goddamned enemy and running scared before I even get close to someone so they can’t hurt me first. I will hold my head up and rediscover my own fucking fuckableness.

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all. No matter who you’re with or not with or what kind of relationship style you’re in, may you find a center of love in yourself for yourself. As for me, life is kind enough to line up with these epiphanies I’ve been having and I’m spending Valentine’s Day night having dinner with a dear friend and picking up a vanity she’s giving me. If that’s not a message, I don’t know what is.

Relationship Evolution; or, I did not always poly like this.

Recently, I’ve been having a LOT of conversation about poly structure. With friends, with partners, with metamours. The title of this post was actually going to be a quote from one of those conversations, when talking about the oft-taboo subject of (dun, dun DUUUNNNNN) Veto Power. Currently, I have the philosophy and have expressed to my partners that there are only two situations where I feel Veto Power is appropriate and acceptable.

1. When the metamour is clearly abusive. This can be tricky because I’m not dating nor am I friends with any educationally certified people who can make this call. (If I am, I’m forgetting. Please remind me.) So it becomes a “this feels really fucked up and I don’t like it can we please talk about this” situation.

2. When the metamour is doing illegal things. Like, is clearly a criminal and influencing or involving your partner in those things. I’m not talking the kink line and WIIWD, but things like robbery. Or, hey. You’re dating the unabomber…stop that. (<- what the title of this post almost was.)

Otherwise…I don’t want to tell my partners what they can and can’t do with their bodies and hearts and I sure as fuck don’t want them telling me what I can and can’t do with mine. I make it clear that I like communication. Is there someone new on the horizon? Great! Lemme know. But then…that gets tricky.

What is “on the horizon”? I’ve run into this with a partner or two. What’s on my horizon is different from what’s on partner A’s horizon. As soon as I start feeling crushy feelings, like I want to actually flirt with someone, kiss someone, or play with them, that’s on my horizon. For partner A, that’s just Tuesday. So we talk about it. But I trust my partners to make choices for themselves and for us to find ways to feel special to each other and loved without having to assign a whole buncha labels or rules to it.

This is still very weird and new to me. I didn’t always poly this way.

Similarly, I never thought I’d get to this place, but I am firmly ensconced in anarchical, non-hierarchical poly. What that means to me is that I don’t see lines between partners in terms of importance anymore. I just…love.

Yes, I have a husband. And yes, some people see that as a “primary” relationship. I tend to call it a nesting relationship, which still, in the poly community carries its own level of feeling of primariness. But I realized the other day that if I were not married now, I likely would never get married again. I mean, I can’t say for certain. But it’s not something that means the same things it meant to me when I got remarried. It doesn’t mean I want a divorce. But it means that I am feel far more autonomous than I ever expected to.

I get to choose what I do with my body and my heart. He gets to choose the same. I may not always like his or other partners’ choices in people. In fact, there was one metamour that hurt my brain. They weren’t abusive, or criminal, but they had such a different way of looking at the world that my head actually cocked to the side in confusion almost every time they came up in conversation because their actions or words made little to no sense to me. But this was NOT a situation where I thought Veto Power was appropriate.

This is especially weird and new to me. I definitely did not always poly this way.

My previous long term poly triad was built on a relationship with one person that lasted 12.5ish years (the first 2 of which were monogamous) and another that lasted the latter 10 of those 12.5ish. We practiced hierarchy and rules and labels galore. I thought this would make me safe. I thought this was how it was supposed to be. I thought this was how you poly. And when I talked with other friends, partners, and people and found there were other ways, those ways scared the shit out of me. “How can you possibly know you’re important and loved if you don’t have a ring? Or the ranking of primary? Or secondary? How do you know where you fit?”

Well. It took years, and having the primary (and in other relationships secondary) status, and the rings, and the promises of forever, and the rules, and having them all change over time to make me realize that none of it is a security blanket. None of it guarantees that you won’t grow apart. Or closer together. Or that you might find someone you want to spend a LOT of time with but, fucking hell, could never live with. Or that you want to live with but not see a whole helluva lot. Or gives the best cuddles ever but maybe you’re not that sexually compatible. Or any number of things that I couldn’t even foresee right now but that have happened. I’m also still trying to figure out how and when to use certain labels like “partner”. For me, it’s always been a dividing line between people I’m sexual with or playing with or feel romantically towards. Or some combination of all three. But reading Kimchi Cuddles a lot lately, and talking to other people who have different perspectives, maybe “partner” is more individualized than that. Still trying to figure that out.

But given all this questioning and examination, it became pretty damn clear that I had to work to find different types of security. Other ways to feel special and loved. And I had to trust my partners when they told me that they loved me and I was special to them.

(That last part take a LOT of work. I still battle not feeling good enough, or feeling disposable, or like there’s some cosmic joke and this isn’t real, or they couldn’t possibly be as into me as I am into them, or any number of THIS ENDS IN THE BAD KIND OF FIRE feelings.)

But sometimes…

Sometimes, when I finally run out of fucks to give and face all of those fears head on, I find a place of solace. Where I can go…okay. You’re pretty awesome and I care about. You say I’m pretty awesome and you care about me. I’m going to believe you. Because right now, right here, this feels good and I want to feel this good feeling and don’t wanna second guess it and torture myself with what ifs. Because what if any of them happen? Then I’ll deal. It’ll suck, but I’ll deal. But right now isn’t what if. Right now is what IS. And I prefer what is, even when it hurts or is complicated or messy. Even when it means talking incessantly about something until everyone understands. Especially then. I’ve learned so much about people and understanding in the last few days, let alone the last few years.

Somehow, I got to a place where I don’t think people complete me. But I love how we compliment each other. I don’t look for people to fill in my missing pieces. I look for adventure. And energy that goes well with mine. Sometimes, like the musical Rent says, baggage that goes well with mine because, let’s face it, that’s totally a thing. I want people in my life that help me grow and explore and discover life and I aim to be that kind of person, too.

This is how I’ve evolved in poly. I don’t have the one twue way. I know it won’t work for everyone, and that’s fine. Hell, poly doesn’t work for everyone. You do you. I’mma do me. And maybe, if our venn diagrams have the right overlap, we can do each other in some way, sometime. Or just be friends. That’s cool, too. There’s just so many different ways to relate to people and I find it endlessly fascinating. And I’m sure there will be more evolution. Not sure what that’s gonna look like, but I’m curious to find out.

Kink Bucket List 2017: Keep On Kinking On

This year has been rough so far and it’s not even February yet. But I refuse to be quiet. I refuse to not build on the momentum I gathered learning about myself and others last year. I refuse to not be here to help myself and my friends and partners and others and joyfully keep exploring and adventuring. As such, I’ve compiled a Kink Bucket List for 2017. It goes something like this:

Scene: First flight*

Get D/s notebook and start writing in it (already started doing that!)

Scene: Being hit with a belt*

Read at least 4 books on kink this year

Scene: Artistic edgeplay

Learn/look into fire rose flogging

Dear god, moar rope pls

Explore Tantric sex

Radical personal body acceptance including:

  • more photo shoots
  • more acceptance of the three parts of my body I have the most trouble loving
  • actively hone body self confidence and increase time spent with people who bolster that in me and themselves and others

Discover something new I want to try that’s not on my radar yet

Try out new dynamics that I’ve been curious about

Continue to adventure through anarchical poly

Explore dance kink

Scene: Interrogation

Scene: Whip play

***

If you have an interest in trying any of these things with me, private message me and let’s talk!

Points of note, though:

1. Anything with an asterisk (*) is already ear-marked for specific people, so please don’t message about that. Let me get past the first time first and see how that goes.

2. Although I no longer identify as a demisexual, I still take a while to explore sexual connections.

3. Also, I want to seek out more opportunities to play with skills I already have. So if you’re interested in rose flogging, edge play, and sensation play, message me and let’s talk!

On guideposts, intentions, and manifesting the life I want.

My mission, should I choose to accept it, is to find peace with exactly who and what I am. To take pride in my thoughts, my appearance, my talents, my flaws and to stop this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am.
-Anais Nin

Working on my List of Intentions for 2017. This quote is going to be a guidepost for me. It doesn’t, to me, mean there isn’t room for growth and change. But it reminds me to focus my energy on positive things, like growth and change, instead of “this incessant worrying that I can’t be loved as I am”, where ever I am on that journey.

I also want to try to worry less about fitting everything and everyone into specific boxes.

Specific list coming later, but currently the List of Intentions looks a lot like cultivating more love, kink, joy, growth, spirituality, creativity, understanding, learning, reaching out to help others, purging that which no longer serves me, figuring out what does serve me, how to better serve others, exploring my ever-evolving sexuality, deepening my switchiness while honoring and exercising my submissive core, and following the positive energy.

If you’d like to join me for any part of this in 2017, message me. Let’s see what we can discover together.

A year of evolving love and kink

So. 2016 was fucking rough. If you’re one of the few people for whom it wasn’t rough, mazel tov and I’m incredibly happy for you. I hope for more good things for you in 2017. But for me? And many of the people I love and are close to? 2016 was massive What The Fucking Fuck year. It tore through with a staggering number of celebrity deaths, unprecedented change, massive amounts of life shifts, and some of the worst pain, confusion, and turmoil I’ve had to go through in years. I would like there to be less of those things, please, in the coming year. While I do understand the learning experience value of these things, and that the cycle of life also includes death, it would be nice to balance things out a little.

I will honor the bad things that happened as part of the journey. However, I want to focus on the good to direct my future journey. In that regard, most of the good things that happened in my life centered around poly and kink, so I’m going to celebrate those.

In my resolution post from last year, I set forth to rejoin the kink scene/community among other things. My overarching goal was to get back in the swing of things, so to speak. And I did almost everything on that list under the kink section, and then some.

  • Joined the (then local) scene in Memphis, became a member of the local dungeon, went to events, played, and learned. I also slowly started to rejoin the New Jersey scene.
  • Rediscovered my love for rose flogging and then proceeded to rose flog a bunch of people that I care about over the course of a few months, culminating, for me, in my first ever duel rose flogging scene at the close of the dungeon to “Bohemian Rhapsody” at GKE Classic. Which was a BLAST.
  • Even though it was scary as fuck, and some parts of the journey were bumpy as fuck, in February, I reached out to someone who would eventually become my Sir. We’ve spent almost a year building a relationship that works for us which is evolving, flexible, and a constant surprise to me. I look forward to seeing what the new year will bring for us.
  • I had some great (and some really shocking – in the good way) make out sessions and my ideas of what my sexuality is continue to morph. Demisexual doesn’t fit anymore and I’m not so sure about gray ace, either. What I do know is that I’m far more interested in sex than I used to be, but still with a fairly limited pool of people.
  • My husband and I embarked on shifting to becoming anarchical poly instead of hierarchical. There have been some challenges, but overall, it seems to be best for both of us. For me personally, it’s the only thing that makes sense anymore.
  • With help, I got over two fears regarding submission. One, and the scariest one in general, was the fear that I wouldn’t be able to submit anymore. And/or that I was no good and/or too old. And/or out of practice. That I wouldn’t be able to get to the head space I had been waiting to get to for years. Two, being afraid to submit in public at an event where I had a managerial role. With Sir’s help in both regards, I was able to, in the same scene, drop further than I have in nearly five years and find a pocket of off duty time to submit in public. Transcendent doesn’t even begin to cover that experience.
  • Experienced fire play for the first time.
  • Experienced sadistic fire play for the first time. Holy hell, I need more of both of those in my life.
  • Did needle play for the first time and then went on to set up a needle play play date, both of which were awesome.
  • Hit K&P on Fetlife for the first time ever for one of my poly writings. That was an amazing feeling.
  • Dealt with difficulties I had re: poly by talking and writing them out. Or I could say: Jealousy…now with a whole lot more helpful words and only minimal bottling and fear!
  • Rekindled a connection with a dear partner.
  • Rediscovered my complete and utter adoration of being punched in the back.
  • Rediscovered my complete and utter adoration of bruises from being punched in the back. One weekend, after a really good punching, every time someone hugged me at the event I was at, it was the most painfully delicious reminder.
  • Saw anarchical poly evolving amongst my partners and metamours and had moments of such compersion and sheer astonishment and gratitude that things were…working. Like, there was more than once where I found myself going, “holy shit…this can all work. People are getting time together, and having fun, and I’m getting time and having fun, and the compersion is building and we’re all handling our shit and talking things out. Hot DAMN.”
  • Tried to pull back from over-labeling everything and let each relationship I’m in seek it’s own level. Including meeting new people or getting to know people I already knew and discovering new feelings for, and eventually, gradually learning that they don’t have to fit into the boxes I’m used to people fitting into.
  • Made a concerted effort to get to know my metamours better. Haven’t gotten to know all of them yet, but in the process, I’ve made at least one great friend and discovered some really cool people who are fun to talk to and spend time with, and who have the potential to become friends. At least I hope so.
  • Started going to Leather events more. I really, really like Leather events from what I’ve seen and witnessed so far.
  • Asked for what I wanted more.

To me, this seems like a damn impressive list of good stuff and I’m hella grateful for these experiences and the people involved in them. My hope is to continue to learn, grow, and have more adventures in 2017. I’m working on a poly/kink bucket list for the new year but for right now, it felt important to get out some of these positive things and lead into the new year cultivating the good, carrying it forward, and building from it.