And welcome to my second entry in The New Year, New You Project, an experiment in #MagicalRadicalTransformation (or the longest hashtag ever….no that’s not a challenge. Although now I’m curious…aaaaand now I’m back. Nope. Not even close to the longest hashtag ever.) Did I mention I have a tendency to procrastinate? And that it sometimes gets in the way of my goals? Why, what a timely…time for this experiment to feature a blog post about goals. For those of you who want to see where challenge/experiment came from and missed my first post, check out my dear friend Deb’s original blog post for this week. She’s the creator of this experiment and has done all twenty-three of the writing prompts (with some damn impressive results, I might add) so I’ve decided I got a situation what needs fixing, so this is part of how I’m gonna do it. I’m likely gonna come up with a more succinct and uniform way to explain these and link to her posts but for now, we’re still beginning the beginning, so longhand it is.
What do you want to accomplish in 2012 using both magical and mundane means?
From here, as she did with the first, she lists some helpful influences: dieties/moon phases/days of the week/inspirational song for your brainmeat. For me, though, I generally let the universal mind guide me. (Well, y’know, once I’ve managed to control my urge towards procrastination, and kick my own ass out of a depression/anxiety spiral.) But she had to go and mention music. Oh, the music for this one. I read ahead a few days ago to prep for what was coming next and saw the song she suggested. Florence + the Machine’s What the Water Gave Me. Most times, when I’ve read the title and listened to the song, cause I’ve been a fan of Florence + the Machine for years, my associations are mostly with bodies of water. And I feel very akin to bodies of water. I adore swimming. I was a water fitness instructor. I go to the ocean when I need to find my inner zen. So that’s what I normally associate with “water”. So I was thinking about that this week, but it never really stuck. Until today. Do you know what happened today? A BOMB CYCLONE of snow. And y’know what snow is? D’ya pick up what I’m putting down?
Snow has not ever been the first thought I had when listening to this song, but today…it just fit. And the snow/water gave me a lot today.
First, it gave me…a NON-snow day! I had to go into work. But honestly…it didn’t bother me. Last night, my boss changed our training destination to a place that was more Northern than our usual Southerly Thursday training location because reports were coming in that the BOMB CYCLONE (side note: first THUNDERSNOW, now BOMB CYCLONE. I don’t know when weather phenomenon started being named like Coney Island rides or metal bands, but I am All In for this trend.) was going to be worse lower in the state, so that was nice. And though the roads were a little rough, I don’t mind driving in the snow, so I got in fine. We had a slightly abbreviated training and then got sent home in the early afternoon.
And once I got home, I decided to make the most of what the water was giving me:
Clear as literal day Opportunity. Daylight where not only did I not have to go anywhere else, I truly shouldn’t go anywhere else. Hours to do things I’ve been trying to get myself to do, and have only barely begun to do, the things I know I NEED to do to really kick this magical radical transformation into high gear.
So. I ate a quick, weird lunch (a chicken cutlet and a banana), grabbed a bottle of water, and told my husband (who’d also got sent home early) that I was going upstairs to do some cleaning.
AND I ACTUALLY DID IT!
Slowly, organically, I listened to what the water was telling me. I lit incense and a candle. I put on Florence + the Machine. I drank the water. And started cleaning. My bedside table. The top of the chest at the foot of the bed. The cluttered area with a random tote of costumes and shoes. The stack of suitcases from the former life/old job/previous year’s events that I had at least finally emptied out weeks ago but hadn’t managed to actually put the suitcases themselves away. All done. Also decked out my new uke hardcase with even more buttons than my old one had, which, incidentally, was now the best specialized toy bag for my long impact toys that wouldn’t fit in my other two, smaller toy bags. I took pictures the incense and candle on my altar. I danced. I texted a few friends. I cleared space and physically started moving myself into the future. I’m not fully sure what I’m moving towards, but finally, finally the gnawing calling is stronger than the fear, the procrastination, the depression/anxiety, the grief.
Don’t get me wrong. There’s still a fuckton of grief. There are relationships that feel like they’ve entered their last dying gasp and not ending the way I ever wanted or thought they would. There’s so much loss that I’m constantly struggling to process. But I keep pushing through. And thankfully, this challenge is one of the things helping to push me through.
Speaking of, we’ll get back to what else the water gave me today. But let’s actually cover the meat of this week’s prompt: Goals.
Here are the four top questions (and all their important sub-questions) that she listed for the prompt:
How are you going to accomplish these large goals in your daily life? You need to start breaking it up into bite sized pieces. Our particular Experiment goes until Valentine’s Day. What can you reasonably expect to accomplish by then? How will you do it?
- What magical acts (rituals, spellwork, whatever it is you do) can you do to help you accomplish this goal? If you are into Planetary magic, you may want to consider looking into the Gates work that RO does to help you accomplish your goals. Thinking strategically in magic isn’t something that comes naturally to a lot of us either. Check out Jason’s books on Strategic Sorcery if that’s something you need some guidance on.
- Use your preferred method of divination to figure out both what you can do to make sure these goals will happen and also to figure out what road blocks keep you from this.
- Consult whatever inner or outer spirits you may work with as to what’s blocking you from achieving your goals. If you’re the meditative type, when meditating consult your spirits there. If you aren’t the meditative type, when you are just about to drift off to sleep when your mind is relaxed, ask what’s preventing you from achieving these goals. In terms of “who” you’re asking, you can ask personal spirit guides or god/dess/es, your Younger Self, Talking Self, and Higher Self or even personifications of the traits you’re either trying to emulate or discourage. Whatever works for your personal cosmos.
For #1, since I started a few weeks after she did, I’m gonna be going to the end of February…or possibly the beginning of March, which I think is appropriate for me. I’ve been gearing up for a winter of Work, inner and outer, and as I said before, this will help guide me. But breaking it down into more bite-sized pieces is going to be a challenge in and of itself.
In my last post, I wrote that these things are the most important to me:
music, writing, spirituality, authentic connections, emotional support, constructive selfishness (a phrase I learned from my therapist today and holy fuck, is it a great concept. Like self care, but…bigger.), kink, creativity, becoming healthier.
That’s a lot to tackle in twenty-one weeks. I’mma group things to make it a little more manageable:
- Creativity – music, writing, drawing
- Spirituality – practicing more, meditating again, yoga
- Kink – honoring all sides of the slash, seeking out play, educating myself more about the scene, honing my classes
- Health – mental, physical, emotional
- Authentic Relationships – better communication, being my most authentic self, fixing my own fuck ups and holding others accountable for theirs, seeking better connections and not settling
- Cleaning – organizing, downsizing, not living like a trash panda
Eventually, I’m hoping following these things will help me get on the path to my next career and back on my Path towards the Destiny I have. I’ve gotten so many signs that lately that I have one, I just don’t fully know what it is. But I’m working on it.
So! Let’s go even more bite-sized.
- music: practicing uke 5x per week for at least 20 minutes, making at least one video a month of uke playing/singing and posting it somewhere on the interwebs, crafting new burlesque routines
- writing: this prompt will take care of once a week for twenty-three weeks. I’m also signing up for Cannonball Read
- drawing: I’m planning on announcing a project I have for myself on FB soon that will help with all the creativity and the authentic connections.
- these writing prompts are helping me practice more
- reading Deb’s book Glamour Magic: The Witchcraft Revolution to Get What You Want (which will also help the creativity, as I’ll be writing a review of it for Cannonball Read)
- seeking out tarot and continuing with my Angel divination deck
- intentionally visiting nature more
- trying to find another yoga instructor/class
- meditate again (this one’s hard because it’s tied to kink for me in that I meditate best on my knees. But I have some difficulty with kneeling currently, from a combination of knee pain I should try to overcome and some recent grief associated with some relationship issues)
- seeking out play that will put me on both sides of the slash
- seeking out people I can bounce with
- actually writing up and posting my class descriptions
- applying for at least one event
- reaching out to people in the scene to learn more
- reading more
- taking more photos
- mental/emotional – therapy, letting go of the past, allowing myself to feel my emotions as they happen, all the others help with this one, too
- physical – more activity. Current job will help with this. Once I am out of training, walk around floor for at least 20 minutes a day. Eating better. Taking gluten, sugar, and dairy mostly out of my diet. Drinking more water
- Authentic relationships
- seeking out the people who are authentic in my life
- moving away from those who aren’t
- making sure I am clear to the universe that these two things are my intention
- making myself vulnerable
- work on holding space for myself and for others in pain
- personal responsibility
- gratitude. Endless gratitude and expressing it to the authentic, glorious people in my life
- organizing costumes
- organizing closet
- donating items
- selling things
- coming up with a schedule for regular household cleaning
So this is a lot. And I haven’t even fully gotten to numbers three and four yet. But I think those are things I’m gonna think on for the next week. Also going to have a smaller, more manageable list of quantifiable goals by next week, as opposed to this ginormous, all over the place list.
For now, I just want to list some of the little victories I’m seeing as I feel myself redirecting back on the Path towards these goals. Today I:
- made myself a hot breakfast before work instead of not eating or buying crap from Dunkin’
- went to work in BOMB CYCLONE
- ate a reasonable, if not weird, lunch
- started a pile of clothing I’m giving away/selling
- relocated a few things that’ve been laying around the bedroom to their rightful places in the house
- cleaned off my bedside table
- cleaned off the chest at the foot of the bed
- had tea and finished reading the first book of 2018
- practiced uke
- wrote this post
- did laundry (might’ve ruined a new pair of pants in the process, but we’ll see)
- texted/messaged some friends
- talked some to nesting partner and spent some quality time over dinner with them
This is long. And I’m tired, as it’s 1:41am. But I’m doing it. Slowly, surely, I’m getting back to it all. For me, this time. Not for anyone else.
New Year, New ME, bitches. Let’s do this.